During the 2018 Teach Them Diligently conventions across the southeast, I was given the privilege to speak to men about homeschooling. Yet during this time, I was curious about what other dads were thinking and struggling within the homeschool life. Well, they wrote down some questions and I told them I would answer them. They cover all kinds of subjects and areas, so get ready for “Answers from the Husband of a Homeschooling Mom”
Today the question comes from Chad!
“Any advice on how to restore a broken relationship with a teenage son who you have verbally abused/ignored for 10 years of their life?”
Chad I am going to be blunt and honest with you here, so just hang on. In 1989, Cher came out with a song called “If I could turn back time“. The truth is, we can not. Time is not meant to be rewound to a previous part so we can do it again. The progress of time is what keeps up going, striving to be better, and even producing wisdom along the way. One of my favorite quotes from any poem is this :
“Time is the school in which we learn,
Time is the fire in which we burn.” – Calmly We Walk Through This April Day ~ BY DELMORE SCHWARTZ
However, there is something that can be done.
For a dad, it can be hard to do what I am telling you to do. We do not like to admit our failures, shortcomings, or our wrongs. But Chad, that is exactly what you need to do. You need to do that with God first. Let me ask you a question or two.
1. Where are you in your spiritual walk with God?
2. Where do you see yourself in your relationship with God?
3. Where do you see yourself as the spiritual/emotional leader of your family?
4. Seek forgiveness from God for your actions.
Yeah, not easy questions to answer. Those questions are not easy to answer if you are doing everything the best that you can with your family. However, those are questions that we all need to ask ourself and maybe even our spouse on how they see us.
Sit down with your son and ask for his forgiveness. This is one of the hard parts. We can ask for the forgiveness, but it is up to him on whether he will extend it to you. Here is where you may want to talk to him about the questions above and let him answer them in reference to you. The answers may hurt, they may sting, and they may make you feel like trash. Once he sees that you are admitting that you have done these things and are willing and trying to make restitution for the past years, things can start to change. This is the beginning of restoration Chad.
There is no quick and easy reverse to the decisions that we make in life. If there were, I most likely would not be the age that I am now because I would be going back and trying to make everything perfect. Instead, I put my trust and faith in Jesus, read and meditate on His words, attempt to think before speaking and do the best that I can. I am not perfect and neither are you. We will make mistakes, the key is to ask for forgiveness as we go along and not let it build up over the years.
I’ll be praying for you Chad and I hope that many other men reading this will also.
Till next time….
I’m just a Husband of a Homeschooling Mom,